So all in all the visit with my parents went well.
They arrived late Wednesday night and I went to dinner with them sans C at a little Thai place. Thursday I spent the day with them, visiting all their favorite old haunts. We stopped by my office so they could see it; they hadn’t seen it since we moved. Of course my nutty boss accosted them, in a good way.
Then came Thursday night, the night they met C. I made reservations at a nice local restaurant. I had actually only been there once before, the last time they were in town, it was good then and owned by the same people who own one of the nicest places in town, so I thought it was a good place. My parents arrived 20 minutes late. C and I were both extremely nervous, their tardiness only made us more so. When they got there my mother didn’t take off her sunglasses and continued to wear them until a few minutes after we were seated. She had obviously been crying. The service was terrible, they repeatedly got my father’s drink wrong (how difficult is it to make a citron martini?!), we ordered two appetizers, only one came out, the waitress disappeared time and time again. But you know what? I think that helped the evening, it broke the tension and created something to laugh about.
My father really made C feel welcome and was very warm to her. My mother was polite and cordial, but didn’t engage C in conversation and never really made eye contact with her. She did have one of the reject drinks they brought my father though, which helped matters immensely. Much to my surprise she invited C to go to breakfast and spend the day with us on Saturday. At the end of the evening my father hugged C and my mother gave her the cheek. You know what I mean – that thing a woman does when she knows a handshake is too formal, but doesn’t really want to hug you. More than I truly expected out of a woman who has managed to go 5+ years without ever saying the name of her daughter’s girlfriend.
Saturday was much more relaxed, we went to our favorite dive breakfast place, down to the Market and a couple of other places. Again my father made C feel welcome. My mother tried, but she isn’t “there” yet. I don’t fault her for that at all; I know this was a huge step.
After they left I sent my mother flowers with a note that acknowledged that she faced something that she feared and telling her I appreciated it and hoped that we could open up a dialogue now. I hope this is the first step towards our family being truly whole again and my mother acknowledging that it includes C.
C and I are ecstatic that this weekend does not involve any home renovations to prep for their visit. We worked for 6+ weekends and then for 2 weeks during the week as well. A weekend of movies at home sounds fantastic!