PstLyfDiva

Not that I post much here, but in case anyone sees this I wanted to put a plug in for my partner, Christina.

I nominated her for a tech makeover to help her out with school.  She is a photography major and is extremely lacking in the way of needed technology.  If you click here you can read her story and also vote for her:  http://www.needatechmakeover.com/2008/10/laura-needs-a-tech-makeover-because/

The judging isn't based solely on votes, but they do factor in, so each vote helps.  One of the judges even highlighted her as one of her favorites on her blog: http://mightygirl.com/2008/10/08/chances-one-in-85-baby/ 

Thanks!! 

And imagine if she won, I would really have something to post about!! 

I know it is four months until Christmas, but for me it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas! 

After 6 years and 6 Christmases not spend together Christina will be coming to Arizona with me for the holidays.  I emailed my father earlier this week stating my case, that the holidays were hard for me not having the person I share my life with with me, not even being able to mention her.  He was very supportive and talked to my mom.  He showed her my email, in which I was very honest about how it all made me feel, more honest than I have ever been with them about it all.  Shockingly my mom agreed!  So it looks like Christina and I will be headed to the desert this Christmas! All I can say is, "Wow!" 

I am happy, nervous, excited, anxious and so much more all at once.  

Apparently since moving over from Di@ryl@nd I have not be very attentive to my little patch of the internet. But never fear, lists can appear!

To continue my list of 100 Thing to Do Before I Go, I present you with 21-40

21. Be in the audience when Christina graduates, beaming with pride.
22. Be a supportive mother.
23. Take lots of pictures and keep them organized to share
24. Watch the sunrise on a sleepy beach
25. Pay someone else to mow the yard
26. Keep a neater house, so it can truly be our sanctuary
27. Accept mom's issues as her own.
28. Play the violin again
29. Do something kind for someone who needs it anonymously
30. Have late night dinner parties at long tables where no one notices the time because the food, drink and conversation are so good
31. Make amends with Jerome.
32. Smell our babies' hair after they are born
33. Ask for and accept help when I need it
34. Live in the now
35. Watch less television
36. Bake cookies with our future kids
37. See the pyramids
38. Have a book published
39. See the Taj Mahal
40. Take Christina and our children to pick mussels, like I did as a little girl


Getting these things in writing has kick started something in me. Updates from the list posted last month:
19. Plant a vegetable garden -- we started seedlings which will be planted outside in the not to distant future!
20. Recycle more -- we have been avidly recycling everything we can and have turned it into more of a game than a chore.  

After reading Maggie's at MightyGirl
I thought it was a great idea so here is the start of my list:
1. Get married and it be legal
2. Resolve issues with mom
3. Officially come out to my grandparents
4. Get out of debt
5. Experience pregnancy and birth
6. Have Christina be legal co-parent of future children
7. Have Christmas with entire family, including Christina
8. Finish college…finally
9. Learn to be less self-protective and instead just “be”
10. Lay on a blanket outside and look at the stars
11. Take picnics regularly
12. Take Christina to Paris for the first time and watch her face when she sees the Eiffel Tower
13. Travel to Asia
14. Finish losing weight and maintain
15. Read at least one book a month
16. Volunteer again
17. Find my passion
18. Take time for myself – walks, spa, read, whatever
19. Plant a vegetable garden
20. Recycle more

So we are starting to do a bit of groundwork heading towards starting our family. I am switching gyns to one that is family friendly,. I ordered a dvd from a $perm bank we are interested in. Right now it is baby steps (no pun intended), but steps none the less. I find myself reading more and more blogs of pregnant or trying to conceive women and feeling vested in their successes and challenges. Even though it is a few years before we can begin, it makes it more real to be doing these little things right now. Sigh.

Life has been a rollercoaster this year, though honestly, when is it not? I need to take time and do things I enjoy for me, that really has not been in my repertoireas of late. I have a long list of life changes I am embarking on making, I think they will not only behoove me mentally, but physically and financially. I have been too much of an observer of life the past couple of years, it is high time to reclaim my life...to own it.

Here are the plans, anything I have already done towards it is in brackets
1. Lose weight (Already lost 25lbs, want to lose another 30lbs)
2. Get control of finances (This is the first year my Christmas bonus is going towards reponsible things, something that will help us gain control on our monthly finances)
3. Excercise, not only for weightloss, but for mental wellbeing. A couch potato isn't usually a happy person (Does buying a fitness DVD count towards progress?)
4. Buckle down at work -- I am so much happier at work when I don't slack. (This week I have been making a conscious effort to stay on task. I haven't been perfect, but been a lot better and therefore happier)
5. Get the house clean
6. Get the house organized
7. Plan our wedding. We have not focused on planning, mostly because of finances and it is hard for me to get excited without having family support. It is time to get excited!!
8. Work on uniting my family and bringing C into the fold.


I am almost giddy to make these changes!

Yep, it is official. I am a nerd. How about you?

So all in all the visit with my parents went well.

They arrived late Wednesday night and I went to dinner with them sans C at a little Thai place. Thursday I spent the day with them, visiting all their favorite old haunts. We stopped by my office so they could see it; they hadn’t seen it since we moved. Of course my nutty boss accosted them, in a good way.

Then came Thursday night, the night they met C. I made reservations at a nice local restaurant. I had actually only been there once before, the last time they were in town, it was good then and owned by the same people who own one of the nicest places in town, so I thought it was a good place. My parents arrived 20 minutes late. C and I were both extremely nervous, their tardiness only made us more so. When they got there my mother didn’t take off her sunglasses and continued to wear them until a few minutes after we were seated. She had obviously been crying. The service was terrible, they repeatedly got my father’s drink wrong (how difficult is it to make a citron martini?!), we ordered two appetizers, only one came out, the waitress disappeared time and time again. But you know what? I think that helped the evening, it broke the tension and created something to laugh about.

My father really made C feel welcome and was very warm to her. My mother was polite and cordial, but didn’t engage C in conversation and never really made eye contact with her. She did have one of the reject drinks they brought my father though, which helped matters immensely. Much to my surprise she invited C to go to breakfast and spend the day with us on Saturday. At the end of the evening my father hugged C and my mother gave her the cheek. You know what I mean – that thing a woman does when she knows a handshake is too formal, but doesn’t really want to hug you. More than I truly expected out of a woman who has managed to go 5+ years without ever saying the name of her daughter’s girlfriend.

Saturday was much more relaxed, we went to our favorite dive breakfast place, down to the Market and a couple of other places. Again my father made C feel welcome. My mother tried, but she isn’t “there” yet. I don’t fault her for that at all; I know this was a huge step.

After they left I sent my mother flowers with a note that acknowledged that she faced something that she feared and telling her I appreciated it and hoped that we could open up a dialogue now. I hope this is the first step towards our family being truly whole again and my mother acknowledging that it includes C.

C and I are ecstatic that this weekend does not involve any home renovations to prep for their visit. We worked for 6+ weekends and then for 2 weeks during the week as well. A weekend of movies at home sounds fantastic!

We had our German Shepherd/Basset Hound fixed Monday. He is around 10 years old. How he became ours is a long, family dramatic story full of resentment and lack of communication that started about 2 ½ years ago.

We were originally supposed to have him for 2 weeks, which turned into a year, then a year and a half with no financial contributions from the “owners”. He came with a half of a bag of W@lm@rt dog food (which he refused to eat), a rusty bowl and a collar that was too small. That was it. We got him a dog house, senior-age food, biscuits, bones, a bed, etc. Then they called and said they were ready to take him back. They planned to tie him up. We said no; that was the day Yappie became our dog.

He wasn’t fixed when he came to us, but since he wasn’t ours we didn’t think it was our right to fix him. His former owner, a relative by (almost) marriage, was aghast when we talked about fixing him. We let the guilt he put on us prevent us from doing it the first time we took him to the vet last year. We talked about it, but it always came back to that.

Then last week he got out three times within 36 hours, running after a dog in heat. The final time he squeezed out through the gate of the fence, catching his tail in the process and ripping out a chunk of fur. This couldn’t go on. Not only for our sanity, but for his safety. Friday we made an appointment for him to get his shots on Monday and also talk about neutering him. I told my friend, “I am so c0ckbl0cking him.”

We had the first appointment in the morning and the vet asked how soon we wanted to do it. I said, “ASAP” – he said, “How about today?” Now that is service. It was perfect, it was really the only day that it was convenient as my parents are coming to town today and we had a lot on our plate!

He came through the surgery fine and was completely stoned when I picked him up. He is such a sweet boy; he just wanted to be petted. He did fine until we went to bed and he started a true Bassett Hound moan, which I have never heard him do before and he did it all night. He was better yesterday after he (finally) took his pain medicine.

And his former owner? We decided it was none of his business what we do with OUR dog.

My parents arrive tomorrow evening. I will be their first time in the Star City in 3 years. The last time they came was only for a couple of hours as a stop through after we spent Thanksgiving in NC with my sister.

They are arriving fairly late, so I will have a drink with them at their hotel. I am taking Thursday and Friday afternoons off to spend with them, which will be nice family time. Thursday evening they will meet C for the first time.

Wow.

It is nerve wracking. C and I have been together 5 ½ years and they are just meeting her now. I am anxious, nervous, excited, eager, dreading, basically every emotion in the world that pertains to first meetings. I really hope this meeting opens up a new kind of relationship with my family, especially my mom. She doesn't have to agree with it right off, but she does have to accept it. This is obviously real. We have put in the time, we have done the work. We are for real.

I am also scared, scared that this will backfire and irreparably damage my mother and my relationship. It has suffered enough as it is. It used to be fantastic, but she has preferred to ignore the most important part of my life and therefore neglected our bond.

52 hours my parents, C and I will be sharing a meal. Wish us luck!